I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
