Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
