she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
