just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
