Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My first STD was from a foam party
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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