So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
