I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
