youre lurking in front of me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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