Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
