Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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