I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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