i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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