I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
True strength comes from lack of pants
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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