She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
