whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
