So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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