Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
