The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
