Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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