Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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