i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
