He uses pillows to masturbate.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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