Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
