just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
