Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
