I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
