I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
