It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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