how can u be prego again
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
