Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you had me at cake vodka
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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