I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
