I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
