i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
