I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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