Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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