bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
