So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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