I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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