Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
