Yo dont text me then not text me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
