the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
