Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
