the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
