just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
