I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
