I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
