I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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