i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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