i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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