were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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