I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
