i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
