I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He did a backflip because drugs
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
